Heatwaves in your pants.

When I was a little girl, I would say to my mom "Ma the thing where they say 'no man is an island' thing, it's bull. I so can be my own island. All I need is a yatch."

Since then I have stood by my idea of living in a yatch in the middle of the Atlantic idea, and I will stand by it until the day I die. I wasn't raised to hold in too much input about other people. I can only tolerate a few so the rest are just goddamn annoying.

It's the strings, you know. They have the domino effect on my mind. Everything snowballs in. The more I know, the more I care, the more they suffocate me.

++++++



If I don't call you by your first name, then I don't know you. We may have met before but that doesn't mean I'll remember you. I'm like heatwaves on a Russian winter when it comes to faces. I forget faces.

Honest to God all of you are the same to me, just as I should be the same as everyone else to you. It's just a matter of your level of appeal, it has nothing to do with my ego.
If you're interesting, people'll remember you. Simple law of the universe.

And I'm not friendly. I'm just awkward.

The Importance of Being Idle.

Leaving me with important old people who's doing a great favor for our family is bad enough.
But leaving me with important old people who's doing a great favor for our family in a lacey, flowery, wedding shop and expecting me to impress them while costly wedding gifts hang on the balance is another level of awkward social situation.
Don't ever do that again. Please.
I'll just offend them and accidentally tell them they're dusty or something.

I felt so goddamn weird that the sweet old lady's touch felt like a fast spreading fire maggots on my thigh.

__________________

Dinner with my sister and her boyfriend was awesome, thank God. I thought it was going to be a disaster, but he's a riot.
I hope he has a brother.



I involuntarily asked for advice about a certain dumbass boy whose irritating, intrusive presence is felt even when I'm sleeping (I think it's because I like him), and I got a lifetime sentence of fear for any future relationship.

Basically either I would end up marrying the dumbfuck, or lose his amazing friendship.
Because I don't want to get married and I can't keep him as my best friend forever since emotions would get in the way, so....


Before it became an extra emotional baggage I reminded myself how I'm still young for any of this to mean shit to me. 17 is too small of a number to hold in such heavy romance information. Hence this is all pointless and time wasting.

So I finished my fries and decided I'll have another 3 boyfriends before I start thinking about this again. With him.
If he's a keeper then he'll stay. If not, then bad luck eh.


___________________


I spent last night's short spell of insomnia wishing really hard that I won't have to go to driving class today.
This morning, without even trying, and by the simple act of oversleeping, I managed to conveniently miss it without anyone making hell about it. Talk about God's small acts of kindness.


Honestly, I'm so tired lately I'd get really lazy to do anything. I'm even too tired to make proper conversation. When I talk, people thought I was intentionally being a bitch but I'm just tired and cranky.
I'm bored too. I don't know which came first, the tiredness or the boredom.

I don't mind being lazy and I can deal with boredom. But I hate it when I'm cranky to people who don't deserve it.
Sorry?




sighs. 21st needs to come much faster than this.

"I'll be fine,

If you give me a minute,

A man's got a limit,

I can't get a life if my heart's not in it."