You will never stop asking 'Why?' And you never know the extent of your tolerance and patience until it's tested. It's not in my place to voice out any dissatisfaction, at least not yet, so I just sit there and continue being traumatized, thinking this mental wound will definitely leave a quirky personal characteristic in the future.
I hate angry yelling. I think it cheapens your anger. It doesn't really do anything for you except make you look like a lunatic. Yelling your argument like every decibel higher makes your argument more true. But I understand why people yell when they're angry. Your emotions get the best of you and you forget everything and you're screaming out these offensive things to hurt the other person. I understand that. I think if they can feel the amount of pain they're causing the other person, I think they would not yell.
I don't get angry much, honestly. I just get sad, really sad. Sad when I see in someone's face when they're yelling that his sole purpose right then and there is to break the spirit of the other person.
So am I supposed to take sides? Am I to quietly suffer through it? Or should I say something? Should I cry along with the others? Or if every one else is already crying, should I not?
I'm done trying to squeeze out even a drop of affection from him. I don't even know what to do with him any more. No one should ever have to feel hopeless all by themselves. Feeling hopeless is a tragedy.
To think my birthday is in two days. And to think I actually had it in my head to have a small celebration dinner. There's no way in Balrog's ass I'm going to celebrate my 21st year of life around all this hate.
Some nights you can't help but lament a little.
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