I want it back please.

I shouldn't have had 3 cups of coffee before bed last night. By the time my head was on the pillow, I was emotional and caffeinated. Being a girl sucks sometimes, with uncontrolled hormones and all.

I couldn't stop thinking about my old house. It was like I was drowning in vivid images of it, like I was actually sitting on the steps of the balcony, or lying on the creaky old bed in my sister's room. I remembered every furniture and the color of the walls. The cracks and stains, the feeling I felt when I was walking down the narrow stairs and the smell of my mom's bed when I used to sit on it and read to her.

I don't know if it was just the coffee, but all of them felt so real last night as it was years ago.

I never really properly said goodbye to it when I moved. And now it's like the house is mad at me, decided to butt into my head and refusing to go away.
I want to visit it but I don't think I could. I'm afraid when I step through that front gate, memories would flood back, rushing into my head too quickly that I'd end up forgetting.

It was pointless really. Slides of things that's already passed going through my mind. I was sighing and frowning for no reason. I hate being sad about the past. It's exhausting, and I don't get anything from it. Memories are like chains. You can't really go too far ahead without being pulled back sometimes. They warm you up when it's cold and dark, and they cage you in when they've caught up with you.

The little me is very happy to grow up in that house. The me now just...wish she was a giant so she could hug the house and hide it away in her pocket.



Oh, I just have to write this down so everyone can laugh at me with me.

This one morning I was waiting for my dad to send me to kindergarten when this goddamn monkey came down from this giant tree and started to run after me. Not exactly at me, it was just running randomly really. But I ran like hell, screaming for my mom, my maid and my dad. I didn't cry though, I think I was too excited.
Loose monkeys and snakes were pretty common back then. They own strange pets in that neighbourhood.




Damn I can't drink coffee anymore. It's giving me annoying little headaches.





ikan keli/buntal/pari.

Current mood: blahh.

Listening to: She's The Blade.