Barcelona.

I saw a vaginal delivery today, my first.

Okay, let me rephrase. It was my first complete experience of a normal vaginal delivery. Usually it gets too crowded in the labour room and I couldn't see a damn thing.

Anyway, this lady was a primigravida, as in this was her first pregnancy, with a pretty basic healthy history of term pregnancy. Less than half an hour after we took her history, she started to scream bloody hell trying to squeeze a little person out of her.

Honestly it was probably one of the most horrifying experiences of my life. All those movies and shows depicting a birth are no where near to this bloody excruciating business. I know, I know, of course they're not real Ika, those are fictional, yadi yadi ya. It's just, the difference is too vast, like trying to pass off a stab wound to the uterus as a scraped knee.

Albeit considering the circumstances, what with the hospital's lack of facilities and what have you not, it might have been a lot more excessively painful than what a normal birth would actually be like. But let's not get into that.

I was already a little queasy from a stomach bug, and so by the time the doctor did a medio-lateral episiotomy I had to hold my breakfast down from making a grand appearance in the middle of the labour room. It felt exactly like that time I was in the middle of the pit at that My Chemical Romance's concert.

While she was screaming like she's on some kind of roller coaster to hell, all I could think was, "I'm going to go through this too someday."

Then I thought "Crap."

And then I thought "I might pass out now."

I've always been led to believe that once the baby comes out and you get to hold it in your arms and hear it cry, the pain would be worth while. I genuinely hope it's true, because I didn't get to see that part.

No, no, no, once the baby, like a large pale blue prune, came out, I walked out, sat down and mentally played scenes from Foster's Imaginary Home for Imaginary Friends to drown out what I just saw. If more girls could see it then I think the issue of unwanted pregnancy would be lessen quite significantly.

I felt like apologizing to my mother for making her go through all of that. No wonder mothers are granted the highest honour.

_____________

Also, I miss going to the ER until 2 am on a school night. I miss wearing my scrubs, walking into the OR like a boss. I miss the Surgery department. It was hell, but it was the kind of hell I could get used to.

When I tell people I want to be a surgeon, they would always immediately assume this polite smug expression like I've told them a nice little joke. It's not going to be easy, I know, and I'm not going to argue, I'm aware the physical toll itself could be beyond my capacity but there is no harm in trying. I will try until I either fail or succeed. I'm not going to go through 6 years of medical school for nothing.