You must know life to see decay.

I dreamt that I stabbed a man with a pair of scissors. He was a bad man, I was sure of that, and so I stabbed him in his throat. We were on a ship and it was dark and raining. I woke up, with a vivid memory of what it felt like when I thrust the pointy end of that scissors into his throat. It felt like that swooping feeling when you miss a step.

That was some dream.

Someone told me once that what you were feeling right before you sleep affects your dream. Well, I remember I was feeling pretty hopeless because my Mom said she can't promise that she would fix my Mac because the cost is too expensive. I guess that counts as feeling a little stabby.

Though she did say, she noted my attachment to that laptop so she will take it into consideration.

For 20 years my mother has never lead me astray, so as much as it kills me to hear that my Mac could never get fixed, I trust her judgement.

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I miss travelling. I miss being in a foreign country. I miss eating crappy food, not taking a proper shower, sleeping in weird hostels. I miss getting lost. I miss looking for directions in a non-English speaking country with no signs, armed only with that piece of printed paper with the address, relying solely on your sense of direction. I miss feeling burned out after a whole day of walking and sight seeing. I miss seeing things I've never seen before. I miss feeling wonderful and amazed and blown away and reassured that I would never ever feel bored again because the world is big with a floppity jillion things to be seen and experienced and taken in.

Today, while daydreaming in class, I found myself thinking about Ireland again. I like Ireland very much. I think I have an affinity towards scenic nature big hills with tall grass and one way dirt roads places, compared to places like Bangkok or Central London.

I would definitely go back to Ireland. Remembering Dingle's cliffs and pubs is making my eyes water.

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This is one of those kinds of song where the whole magic and value is in its lyrics, which in my opinion is the best kind of song.

Now, this is my favourite verse in this song.

"I saw exactly what was true,
But oh no more.

That's why I hold,
That's why I hold with all I have."

But that's just me, I'm hopeful like that.

Anyway this band is so amazing I'm literally pulling at my hair out of frustration.